bedeviled & beyond 06.5 - bedeviled & bah humbug Read online

  Embarrassment at having been caught off guard made me lose my temper. “What?! What do you want?! It’s like I’m living through a bad presentation of the Christmas Carol or something!”

  Myra’s pretty pink lips opened to respond.

  I cut her off. “No, wait, let me guess...you’re the crabby ghost of Christmas future! Right?”

  Her glare deepened. “I came to see if you’d caught The Grinch yet.”

  “No, dammit! I haven’t caught the stupid Grinch! I killed the hell out of a rat the size of your butt, trashed a woman’s house, and scared the crap out of an elderly couple. But The Grinch still lives to steal another present.”

  She placed her hands on her hips. “What’s the hold up, Astra? It’s just one little demon.”

  My fingers twitched toward my knives. “Don’t push me, angel. I’m cold, I’m tired, and I’m feeling unloved and underappreciated. I don’t need any guff from you right now.” Myra’s eyes sparkled with something that looked suspiciously like mirth. “You got something in your eye, aunt?”

  She shook her head, turning away. “I have to go. Oh. I almost forgot to give you this.” She extended her arm and was suddenly holding a steaming mug of coffee in one hand. “Merry Christmas, niece.” She leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. I didn’t know whether to shudder or cry. My cranky aunt Myra wasn’t exactly the demonstrative type.

  Finally I settled for simple good manners. “Thanks.”

  She shrugged and disappeared with a pop. I sipped the steaming liquid and nearly groaned with pleasure. It was hot and rich and it went all the way to my soggy toes and warmed them. In fact, it almost made me smile.

  Almost.

  I leaned against the light pole again and enjoyed my hot coffee until it was gone. The snow stopped falling and the night grew quiet. I looked up at a brightly sparkling sky. The night smelled clean and clear and I found myself almost enjoying it.

  A star shot past overhead. Another angel going to a party.

  I frowned. But before I could settle back into full-on wallow mode, a clump of snow dropped off the roof of the building and landed on my head. I looked up and saw a wide, green face, topped off with a red Santa cap.

  He was grinning at me.

  “Hey!” I pulled my powers forward and thought about the rooftop. In a blink I was up there with the green guy, knives drawn.

  He was on the opposite side of the roof, leaning against some kind of huge metal contraption. He had his legs crossed at the ankles and was examining his fingernails. “What took you so long?”

  My fingers tightened on my knives. A cocky demon. Good. I felt the need to beat something up. “I was just drawing out the pleasure of kicking your green ass.”

  He chuckled, the sound husky and warm. My eyes widened as the sound made me tingle in my special places.

  That just wasn’t right.

  The Grinch pushed himself away from the metal box and started toward me. Beneath the long, green body and bushy body hair, the demon moved with an elegant sort of grace. I realized right away that he wasn’t your average, everyday demon type. I’d have to be very careful with him.

  The creature’s eyes were long, narrow, and red, with the longest green eyelashes I’d ever seen. Okay, I haven’t seen all that many green eyelashes...but you get my meaning. The stupid hat sat at a jaunty angle on the creature’s wide head. The fluffy ball at the tip bounced against one finely chiseled cheek as he walked.

  I lifted my knives and pulled my power forward, ready for the hand to hand combat I’d resisted on the nasty rat. Fighting the creature who’d ruined my Christmas Eve would be fun. It would be cathartic. I knew I should just blast the jerk. But something was keeping me from doing it. Maybe it was the Christmas season. Maybe it was the way my body tightened and warmed as I watched him move, maybe it was the twinge of recognition I couldn’t justify in my mind.

  My hesitation was my undoing. I blinked and The Grinch disappeared. Before I realized where he’d gone, his hot breath was dancing across my cheek and one long, green arm was wrapped around my chest, pinning my arms to my body.

  “You are a beautiful woman, Astra Q Phelps.”

  His voice was a husky caress along my nerves, his breath a sweet, hot musk along my cheek and down the side of my neck. I gulped, shivering. I was totally transfixed. Unable to move. Like he’d put me under some sort of spell. I forced my mind to focus as a familiar tingling started low in my body.

  It couldn’t be. What I was feeling just couldn’t be right. I licked my lips and tried to speak. My throat creaked horribly. I had to clear it and start over. “Let me go.”

  His laugh stroked my body in all the right places, drawing heat and leaving behind goose flesh, as if a spectral finger had traced a path across the sensitive peaks of my flesh. I felt naked and raw, exposed under his touch.

  “Please.” My voice sounded pitiful, desperate.

  Hot lips found my throat, moving unerringly toward the pulse throbbing there. “You smell delicious.”

  Panicked, I closed my eyes, pulled air into my lungs, and dragged my power kicking and screaming toward the surface of my mind. With a scream of regret as well as anger, I flung my arms out, knocking him away from me, and sent my power out in a wide sweep of the roof.

  The huge metal box across the roof gave way with a groan and an ear-splitting wrenching sound. Asphalt roof shingles lifted and wrenched away from the building. A huge, metal antenna twisted like an aluminum candy cane and flew off into the night.

  And above it all I heard his husky laughter as if from a distance. I forced myself to take a deep breath. Somehow the thing had gotten the best of me. I’d expected oily evil and demon nastiness. I hadn’t expected to be attracted to the disgusting creature.

  What was happening to me? Had I really fallen so far?

  A touch on my shoulder was all the warning I had that he was behind me. I started to swing around, but it was too late. I got only the briefest impression of flashing black eyes and a familiar smile in a handsome golden face. Movement and sound dropped away as we shifted through space and time. It returned in a loud and colorful rush.

  We landed in a crowded room, filled with people, alcohol, and music. As soon as I could speak again I swore softly, my mind trying to wrap around the reality of my standing, suddenly, in the middle of a party, when I’d just been fighting The Grinch on a bitterly cold rooftop.

  Flick appeared from the midst of the crowd, grinning widely. “Merry Christmas, Astra.”

  I frowned. “What the hell’s going on?”

  Flick patted my arm. “We decided you deserved some Christmas cheer. There’s always next year to catch The Grinch.”

  My sister, Darma chimed in, “We didn’t expect it to take you so long to catch him. It should have been a quick grab and vanquish.”

  I stuck my tongue out at her. She barely noticed. Her pretty face was lifted toward Dialle’s brother, Torre, filled with adoration. The two of them were in their own small, love drenched world.

  I rolled my eyes.

  Dialle leaned down and kissed my lips. “Now I know what to wear later, when we’re role playing before hot, monkey sex.”

  My lips twitched. “That was you?”

  His laugh touched places in my body only he could touch.

  I laughed with him. “You make a really sexy Grinch.”

  He lowered his head and captured my bottom lip between strong, white teeth, nipping gently. “I do my best.”

  Wrapping my arms around his neck I pulled him into a real kiss. Joy soared in my chest. Lust consumed my body, heating it beyond anything my wonderful Christmas gifts could have done. I lost myself in that kiss. The noise of the crowd and the music died away. The incredible smell of Christmas goodies slipped into an unused corner of my mind. The twist and jostle of bodies disappeared.

  My world narrowed down to one gorgeous, devilish creature.

  Dialle.

  His touch, his scent, the feel of his long, hard limbs aroun
d my body, that was Christmas for me. No...it was more than that...it was lo...

  My eyes flew open. “Oh God!”

  A flash of green caught my eye over by the Christmas tree. Without thinking, I pulled my power forward and called out. “Hey, you! Grinch!”

  The skinny green body straightened away from the tree. The demon was holding a beautifully wrapped, silver package in his spidery green fingers. His red eyes widened as I threw out my hand.

  Like a panicked chorus the room erupted in a single word. “NO!”

  Dialle grabbed my arm just as the power blasted from my fingers and sent it sideways, away from The Grinch standing slack jawed in front of the tree. My redirected energy hit the ten foot tall, blue spruce filled with heirloom ornaments and sent it up in a whoosh of flame.

  The Grinch jumped away from the wall of flame with a girlish scream, clutching the pretty silver package to his chest with a look of horror on his ugly green face.

  My father, Archangel James Phelps, stepped forward and extinguished the tree magically. He gave me a soft smile and shrugged. “No worries, I can fix it.”

  All faces turned to me, censure and disgust evident on their holiday faces.

  I shuffled my feet and shrugged. “You told me to get The Grinch.”

  “That’s not really The Grinch, Astra. We hired him to hand out presents at the party.” Flick shook his head, clearly disgusted with me for trying to take out the hired help.

  “Oh.” Silence pulsed around the room. The smell of burnt tree wafted over the previously festive crowd.

  The green demon beside the tree cleared his throat and my gaze jerked around. His ugly, green face split in a not so nice grin and the doorbell rang.

  Somebody opened the door and a skinny guy with bad face paint and an ill-fitting Grinch suit walked in. “Sorry I’m late. There was a four car pileup on Highway 425.”

  A collective gasp went up around the room. High pitched, slightly hysterical laughter skidded across my last nerve and all eyes swung to the green demon beside the tree. He had his long, spindly arms filled with gifts and was starting to shimmer away on the smoky air.

  With a pop The Grinch disappeared, his not so nice laughter dancing on the air behind him.

  “Hey! You replaced me already?” The hired Grinch squealed in alarm. “My boss is gonna kill me.”

  A murmur went up around the room. I reached for a glass of Champaign on a stalled tray nearby, the waiter holding the tray stared at the smoldering tree with horrified eyes.

  “What are you waiting for, Astra!” My aunt Myra groused in my ear. “Go get The Grinch!”

  I snorted in a less than ladylike way. “Not a chance. That demon will live to spoil another Christmas. I’m staying here. And I plan to make a serious dent in the champaign supply.”

  After a moment of shrill silence, voices began to emerge again and soon everyone was talking and laughing excitedly about The Grinch and the tree. The party quickly returned to full swing.

  Fighting off feelings of guilt for not chasing down the bad guy, I carried my champaign to the fireplace and sipped it before a nicely roaring fire.

  “You know that green creep stole my present to you.” Dialle’s hands slid around my waist from behind and his lips found the ultrasensitive spot on the side of my neck.

  I shivered, laying my head back against his broad chest to give him full access. I ran a hand down the butter soft leather of my coat. “You already gave me my gift.”

  His teeth closed over my jaw. He nibbled it gently, following the tiny bites up with a heated swipe of his talented tongue. “This was another gift. Two tickets to a Caribbean resort. With your name and mine on them. I’d reserved the last suite on the whole island. Pity.”

  I gasped, swinging around in his arms to settle an alarmed gaze on him. “Liar!”

  He shook his head and touched my lips in a soft kiss. “I wouldn’t lie to you, my queen. At least, not about that.”

  I set my champaign down on the table. “Where do you think the little creep went?”

  Dialle’s smile warmed me down to my quickly curling toes.

  He grabbed my hand. “I have some ideas. Let’s go.”

  I felt the air changing around us and opened my mouth to argue. “No wait! I want to drive...”

  Time and movement stopped and we were on our way.

  Damn! Was I ever going to be in charge of my own life?

  THE END

  Christmas Short #2

  ASTRA GETS A LUMP OF COAL—THUMPS AN ELF

  In this short Christmas story, Astra is forced to spend Christmas in Satan’s backyard, helping the angels figure out how the green dragons are escaping Hell to terrorize the human realm on Earth. Astra is thrilled. I mean, there’s nothing like Hell at Christmastime. The lovely, scorched earth theme delights the visual pallet while the dulcet sounds of terrified screaming serenade the lucky minions within Hell’s fiery grasp.

  Astra’s body may be locked in Hell, but her thoughts are a few million miles north, where light and angelic music are the norm. And somewhere in the middle, where bright colors and happy thoughts rule the day.

  So what does a kick ass demon hunter do when she finds herself holding a big, fat lump of coal on Christmas day? Why, she thumps an elf , of course!

  !

  CHAPTER 1

  Merry frunkin’ Christmas.

  I sat at a table in front of the wall of windows in my boyfriend, Devil King Dialle’s quarters and brooded, staring at the eminently festive colors of burnt brown, lifeless gray, and flaming red which made up the rolling panorama beyond the thick glass. Not a holiday light or color in sight. Unless I counted the red fire emerging from the gaping maws of the deadly green dragons flying from castle to castle in the smoky environs.

  That was as close as Hell got to Christmas colors. And forget the elegant blue and silver of Hanukah. You’d have a better shot at eating a snow cone on the roof of Dialle’s castle in Hades.

  Once again I’d been called to the service of the Big Him on Christmas day. While everyone else was enjoying the season, wallowing in the festivities, I was sitting in Hell looking over geographic maps, trying to figure out how the green dragons were escaping into the world above.

  I was in a funk. My Christmas was stacking up to be the biggest entry ever in my Shitty Day book.

  To make things worse, what I was attempting was a hopeless task. All I’d gotten from my search were charcoal stained fingertips from the maps and a bad case of red cheeks from the heat.

  I didn’t even have Dialle around to distract me from my own personal Hell. He’d been called topside to deal with a halfling who’d “Settled” on his dark side and was petitioning for a spot on the Royal Court.

  Dialle was going to have his hands full. Several of the royals were fighting the petition, saying the guy was just too ugly to be a royal. I’d seen him. They had a point. But really, it was so not PC. So unkind. So rude...I wondered how they could be that incredibly shallow. Then I did a mental head slap. Der...they were devils.

  It was at that point that I realized I was stalling so I wouldn’t have to do what I’d been sent there to do. With a sigh, I bent back over the table, my eyes blurring from staring at the maps. But I couldn’t concentrate, so I checked in with Dialle. Shuffling my mental drawers, I called his name. Dialle?

  Static silence filled my mind for a long moment. Then, just when I was about to give up, I sensed his presence. What is it, Astra?

  What are you doing right now?

  I’m kind of busy, Astra.

  Oh, okay.

  Did you need something?

  You? I asked hopefully.

  The air before me shimmered and he was there. He gazed at me through almond shaped eyes that looked about 10 miles deep. His devastatingly sensual gaze was cloaked in black velvet and ringed with gold. His burnished black mane of hair fell around his square, golden jaw and touched his shoulders just where the barest, sexiest, little curl started at the ends. I lick
ed my lips and clenched my knees together on a sudden wave of pure lust.

  Then I realized it wasn’t really him. It was his soul form. I frowned. It wasn’t quite what I’d hoped for. But as he leaned against the desk with one slim hip and crossed his long legs at the ankles, I couldn’t help admiring the fine way his tight, leather pants hugged his thighs and other...erm...parts.

  I’m trying to finish my business so I can get back to you, my love. His soul form sighed. Things are...difficult here.

  I know. I ’m just so bored. And lonely, but I’d slow dance with a stink demon before I admitted that.

  Dialle’s soul form disappeared and the air around me sparked. I jumped as a phantom touch found the sensitive skin of my neck. Dialle’s scent washed over me, making the air clench in my lungs. I dropped my head back as the phantom lips created an electrically charged trail around to my throat, sending heat and need spiraling through my body.

  I moaned, my hands clenching with the desire to touch him.

  But it wasn’t possible.

  He wasn’t really there.

  A whisper teased my ear and his husky voice infused my thoughts. I’ll see you soon, my love.

  The air cooled and I felt his presence slide away, leaving me slumped in my chair, even more distracted and unfulfilled than I’d been before.

  The wide, wooden door behind me swung silently open. Only the wisp of air from its opening alerted me that someone was entering the room.

  I turned and found Dialle’s right hand devil, Gerch, striding my way. His wide, red face looked extremely serious as usual. When Dialle left a few days earlier, he’d put Gerch in charge of my safety.

  No easy task, since it was me.

  However, as Dialle’s First Lieutenant, Gerch was doing his best to live up to his charge. It really made me want to screw with him.

  What can I say...part devil here.

  Gerch settled a silver tray on top of the table and pulled the lid off the small plate at its center. There was a single Christmas cookie in the center of the plate. Thickly frosted in white, red, and green, the cookie was shaped like was Santa Claus.