Gram Croakies Read online

  Praise for Sam Cheever

  Sam Cheever creates some of the best characters you could ever find in the pages of a book.

  SensualReads.com

  Ms. Cheever writes with class, humor and lots of fun while weaving an excellent story.

  The Romance Studio

  Sticks and stones can break my bones, but wrinkles might actually kill me!

  Just when I think I understand life, the Universe flings a magic booger at me.

  It just doesn’t pay to think you’ve got a handle on things. For example, my favorite customer, Mrs. Foxladle, got into a simple disagreement with her book club friends over their obsession with youth and beauty. The next thing you know, they’re all dead. Did Mrs. Foxladle kill them?

  It certainly seems like a possibility. But I’m still holding on to the hope that I’m dealing with a rogue magical artifact in the hands of someone with diabolical intent. Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to figure out what it is and who’s wielding it with deadly results.

  I was counting on Detective Grym, a real rock of a guy, to help me find the culprits. But Grym’s lifespan just turned unpredictable. (You could say things are a bit rocky for him right now.) Which leaves solving the mystery up to me and my friends.

  It's just a really good thing I have a cat and a frog and… Yeah, about that… I’m really no closer to figuring out how to use them either.

  Holy goblin phlegm!

  This magic wrangling stuff is hard!

  Gram Croakies

  Sam Cheever

  Electric Prose Publications

  Copyright © 2019 by Sam Cheever

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

  Contents

  1. Youth Before Beauty!

  2. From the Beginning…

  3. In Search of Motoroil

  4. It’s so Hard to get Good Staff These Days!

  5. Moonlight Magic

  6. Holy Belligerent Bunnies!

  7. Youth is Not for the Faint of Heart

  8. The Plot Thickens - Unevenly

  9. Frog Pee Happens

  10. Whaaaaaat?

  11. Infested!

  12. Bleep the Bloody Bubbles!

  13. The Hobgoblin of Little Minds…

  14. Grymly Determined

  15. A Bounty of Problems

  16. A Dearth of Solutions

  17. Into the Bubbles You go!

  18. Eureka!

  19. B&E With Spritely Glee

  20. Back to the Magic

  21. Oopsies!

  Read More Enchanting Inquiries

  Croakies and Scream

  Also by Sam Cheever

  About the Author

  1

  Youth Before Beauty!

  Tucking an errant strand of long brown hair behind one ear, I took a sip of my quickly cooling tea and focused on my notes from the last artifact I’d wrangled. I’d been trying lately to do a better job of journaling my adventures in the hopes that it would help me get better at my job.

  I had a lot of room to improve in that area.

  The bell on the door to Croakies jangled. My cat, Mr. Wicked trotted from the back of the bookstore and jumped up onto the counter in front of me, his orange gaze fixed on the man who’d just entered the store.

  Detective Wise Grym stood just inside the door, a large metal box clutched in his hands and rain dripping from his dark hair.

  “Ribbit!” Mr. Slimy said from his place inside the glass fish tank I’d placed on a table near the counter. He hopped over a shiny collection of smooth rocks and flung himself against the glass as if he wanted to welcome the detective himself.

  Or give him warts.

  Given the fact that the frog was still serving as a squishy green bus for one arrogant witch with trust issues where law enforcement was concerned, it could easily be the latter.

  As if reading my thoughts, a misty, semi-transparent haze rose from the frog and settled onto the carpet, depositing a ghost witch alongside the fish tank. “What’s gargoyle man doing here?” Rustin asked snottily.

  I fought a roll of my eyes at the demeaning reference to Grym’s magical form. Grym had asked me not to tell anybody what he was, but since only a very small group of people could see or hear the ghost witch, I’d felt like it was okay to tell him.

  My assistant Sebille, the city Sprite, had experienced Grym’s form first hand. She’d been there on that rooftop with me when the gargoyle had taken on the dragon, whose miniaturized form had once filled the box he was holding in his hands.

  I took a beat to enjoy the view.

  The Detective was just under six feet tall with broad shoulders, dark-caramel eyes, and mahogany brown hair with golden streaks where the sun had bleached it. His square jaw and sharply cut cheekbones could have been carved from stone.

  In fact, sometimes they were.

  “Detective Grym. You finally brought my box back.” A week late.

  Wise Grym took one look at my red-rimmed blue eyes and frowned. “Are you sick?”

  I barely kept from grimacing. I was sick all right. Sick of trying to co-exist with a noisy, messy, bossy Sprite whose promised “temporary” habitation in my beloved private space was going on ten days, three hours, forty-one minutes, and twenty-three seconds.

  Make that twenty-four seconds.

  Twenty-five…

  I couldn’t sleep because of Sebille’s whistling snores, and I hadn’t gotten to watch my favorite television shows more than a handful of times since she’d moved in with me. I’m not even going to mention the ridiculous, claustrophobic chaos of having all her furniture stuffed into my small place alongside mine. Okay, I mentioned it, but it’s not my fault. The mess was making me cray!

  The worst part of it all was that Sebille didn’t seem to care a whit about looking for a new place to live. She seemed perfectly happy cooking her foul-smelling concoctions on my stove and snoring on her couch in my living room. The only peace I ever seemed to get anymore was when the bossy Sprite went next door to visit with her mother, the Queen of the Fae, who was living in my friend Lea’s greenhouse in the lot behind of our two shops.

  I dropped my pen and came around the short counter, moving toward the handsome detective with a finger against my lips.

  His frown deepened.

  “Hello, Detective. How are you?”

  He shook his head, not understanding my warning to silence.

  “You’ve outdone yourself this time, hon,” Mrs. Foxladle said, coming around the end of the shelving for the mystery aisle with four paperbacks piled in her arms. “I want to thank you for pointing me toward the Bewildered Basset Mysteries. I find I quite enjoy them, despite the fact that the cat has second-place billing to the hound…” She jerked to a stop when she laid eyes on the Detective, a sly grin curving her lips. “Well, hello there, young man.”

  Grym shuffled from foot to foot under the older woman’s assessing gaze. But I think it was probably the wink she threw me, as if Grym and I were an item, that discombobulated him the most.

  “Mrs. Foxladle, this is Detective Grym,” I told her. “He’s the one who told me about the Basset Mysteries.” I threw him a bright smile. “Aren’t you, Detective?”

  Of course, that was a lie…a dang lie…and his quick glare was almost more fun than my anticipation of his response.

  “Um. Yes. I…erm…love those books,” Grym stuttered out.

  Mrs. Foxladle leaned a fleshy hip against the shelves, a gleam in her eyes. “How fun! Which one do you like best, Detective? I’ll read that one next.”


  My smile widened as I anticipated the verbal calisthenics Grym would need to employ to get out of answering her question.

  But he surprised me by looking as if he were actually considering the query. “That’s a really hard question for me,” he told Mrs. Foxladle.

  I almost laughed. I just bet it was.

  “Book one was predictably the weakest story, plot-wise, but I have to say I loved the characters so much in that one. I particularly thought Basil was charming. And Penelope was irresistible. Book two, Befuddled Basil Baulks, had a much better story but I thought the author lost a bit of her love of Basil and Pene’s relationship in the mix.”

  I felt my mouth falling open but was helpless to stop it, despite the smug glance the detective sent my way.

  Before he’d even completed his astounding assertion, Mrs. Foxladle’s gaze had lost its teasing glint, and she was nodding with excitement. “My thoughts exactly,” she told him, tugging a book out of the pile. “Have you read the third one yet?”

  Grym nodded, pointing to the book. “I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised. The author managed to meld the best aspects of the first two books and came up with a really strong mystery premise in three.”

  Mrs. Foxladle jittered happily, her eyes sparkling with pleasure. “It’s so much fun to meet another mystery connoisseur,” she told him happily. “I wonder,” The elderly book lover reached into her purse and pulled out a small, white rectangle, handing it to Grym. “Would you like to join our book club, Detective? It would be ever so much fun discussing the mysteries with a real, live police detective.”

  He paled, his gaze spinning to mine, filled with panic. “Um…”

  I decided I’d teased him enough. “Why don’t we get you checked out, Mrs. Foxladle,” I told my favorite customer. “I’m sure Detective Grym needs to get back to work.”

  “Of course.” She patted his hand. “I’m so sorry to have kept you.” But before she followed me across to the register, she tucked the card into the pocket of his jacket, winking coyly. “I hope you’ll join us, Detective.”

  He gave her a smile, nodding. “Thanks for the invitation. It’s very kind.”

  Grym disappeared between the bookshelves as I was checking out Mrs. Foxladle and I thought he was probably hiding among the reference books hoping to avoid more pressure from the kindly old woman. But her comment about book club reminded me. “It’s Tuesday. Aren’t you supposed to be at book club tonight?” I asked as I handed over her purchases.

  Wicked rubbed against her arm as she took her bag, purring loudly when she scratched between his dark gray ears.

  Mrs. Foxladle’s lip curled slightly at my question. “I decided to skip this week, hon. I didn’t care for the book we were discussing at all.”

  “Oh, that’s too bad. I know how much you enjoy those meetings.”

  She shrugged, her expression darkening for just a moment before she forced a smile onto her face. “I wish everyone was as considerate of people’s feelings as you are, Naida.” She patted my hand and turned away, her steps not quite as lively as usual.

  I watched her go, feeling as if there was something wrong in her world and wishing I could fix it. “Goodnight, Mrs. Foxladle.”

  “Goodnight, hon.” She lifted her head, gaze focused on the shelves of books running the depth of the store. “Goodbye, Detective.”

  She didn’t wait for him to respond, which was a good thing because Grym didn’t emerge from the stacks for a couple of minutes. And when he did, his expression wasn’t happy.

  I noticed that the card she’d given him was clutched in his hand. “What’s wrong?” I asked, coming out from behind the counter.

  His gaze slid to me, worry darkening the melted caramel color to dull brown.

  I pointed to the card. “Are you considering joining the book club?” I grinned to show him I was teasing, but he didn’t grin back.

  Ice formed on my spine. “What’s wrong, Grym?”

  He handed me the metal box and lifted Mrs. Foxladle’s card, showing it to me. “This address…”

  I tried to see the address on the card, but his fingers obscured the text on the front. “What about it?”

  The detective looked at the white rectangle again, shifting his fingers so he could read the information typed on its surface. He shook his head, swallowing before answering. “It’s why I came here tonight. There’s been a magical incident.” He lifted his focus from the card, his gaze haunted. “Five ladies. The landlady told me they had book club every Tuesday evening.”

  The ice spread until my lungs were frozen and I had trouble taking a deep breath. My hand was suddenly covering my mouth. “An artifact?”

  “It has to be,” he told me. “Nothing else could have done what…” He swallowed hard again as his gaze slid to the door. “Her friends are all…”

  I made a soft sound, turning my gaze toward the door again. “Poor Mrs. Foxladle,” I murmured.

  Grym nodded, finally seeming to shake off his horror, his gaze tightening as it settled on me. “Will you come to the scene? I’d really like your opinion. And if the artifact is still in the apartment…”

  I nodded. “Of course. Let me just tell Sebille I’m stepping out.”

  There were no bodies in the room.

  In fact, to my eye, there wasn’t really much at all to point to murder or even natural death. I stood back as Grym closely examined the floor around the table and then bent with a magnifying glass to scrutinize the seat of each chair in turn.

  Watching from a couple of feet away, I squinted at the spot where he was looking and saw nothing. Except maybe a tiny spot in the center of the chair, which just looked like a food crumb to me.

  I cast my gaze around the place, noting the abundance of upholstered furniture covered in chintz fabric and glossy wood tables protected by what looked like homemade doilies.

  The room smelled like a combination of lemon dusting spray and the sweet scent of lilacs from an overflowing vase filled with fresh flowers at a nearby table.

  The table Grym was perusing appeared to be an inexpensive rectangular folding table, covered in a flowery tablecloth that hung nearly to the floor on the long sides. Six metal folding chairs were arranged around it, only one of them still pushed up under the table.

  I blinked rapidly as I realized that had to be Mrs. Foxladle’s place. It was a miracle she’d decided not to attend the meeting that night. As far as I knew, she rarely missed book club.

  I checked out the surface of the table, seeing a teacup filled with varying levels of cooling tea at each place. The cups were painted with pastel flowers, and each one had a tiny bee painted into the inside, looking as if it was climbing toward the lip. They were adorable.

  “It doesn’t look like they had time to drink their tea,” I offered helpfully.

  Each place setting also sported a well-worn paperback. I smiled sadly when I recognized the bookmarks I’d had done with depictions of Mr. Wicked and Mr. Slimy inside a couple of them.

  A plate that looked as if it had been loaded up with baked goods was empty except for one small muffin and some crumbs. I wondered if the muffins had been poisoned.

  Each setting had a small plate nearby, more crumbs attesting to the fact that the ladies had enjoyed a nice snack before they…

  I swallowed hard.

  Next to one plate was a grease spot that probably came from an unwrapped muffin or maybe a cookie. That particular plate had no crumbs, as if the person sitting there had either foregone the snack or had dropped the muffin onto the tablecloth instead, creating the grease spot.

  If the ladies who’d been in that room really did turn up dead or missing, I didn’t envy Grym’s job trying to figure out what had happened. “Are you sure the women didn’t just leave?” I asked Grym. “Who reported them missing?”

  Grym straightened, his expression tight. “They didn’t leave.” He scanned a glance around the room.

  “But then where are their bodies?”

&n
bsp; Instead of answering me, he frowned more deeply.

  “Detective?”

  He shook his head and moved to the table, using the magnifying glass on the items scattered across the top while ignoring my questions.

  “I can’t help if you won’t talk to me.”

  He continued to ignore me, his focus locked on his search.

  I sighed. Stepping back from the table, I tugged my keeper magic forward and lifted my hands, sending the energy into the air and watching as several thin gray ribbons of magic wove away from my fingers and slithered throughout the apartment, disappearing from sight.

  There were no chimes of discovery.

  One strand headed for the table and wound around the remaining muffin before sliding across the table, hesitating on the grease spot, and then wrapping around Grym’s arm like a bracelet.

  He lifted a scowl in my direction.

  “Oops! Sorry,” I said, giving him an embarrassed smile. “Just trying to help.”

  He straightened, shaking his arm to dispel the ribbon of magic. It dissipated with a soft hiss as he headed in my direction. “Don’t touch anything.”

  I frowned. “I haven’t touched anything…”

  He handed me the magnifying glass. “The seats of the chairs.”

  Grym stared at me for a moment as I realized he was answering my questions. “Ah. Show, don’t tell,” I said, nodding. “Got it.”

  I moved to the closest chair and leaned over it, focusing the magnifying glass over the seat as he’d done, and saw… “There’s nothing here.”